Marriage Boot Camp by Elizabeth Carroll

Author:Elizabeth Carroll
Language: eng
Format: epub
Publisher: Penguin Publishing Group
Published: 2015-11-11T00:00:00+00:00

How does your child deal with the outside world? J/PIs your child structured and punctual (J), or spontaneous and easily distracted (P)? A common mistake is to assume that the J (for judging) child is inflexible and the P (for perceiving) child is a disciplinary problem. Yes, having spontaneous children can be like herding cats, but they tend to be creative problem-solvers and cheerfully open-minded.

Tonya and James knew instinctively that their four children were quite unique and different; in fact, they had nicknames like “mini-me” and “Grandpa Smith” for the children because they were so similar to other characters in the family. They just never thought about how this might be affecting the family and how they were to manage the differences. They took a “love them all the same” strategy that many parents believe is the answer, and when we introduced them to the different temperament types and how they all require a slightly different parenting strategy, they were overwhelmed. We wanted to make sure we gave them tools that didn’t require an advanced degree in psychology, so we sent them home with a project. We had them create a fun family night and test each person using one of the simple and free online MBTI tests, then read each person’s assessment to the group. This is what Jim and I did with our family, and we had a blast. We used the HumanMetrics test, but there are many available. Once each family member got some clarity and awareness about each person’s unique design and had some fun with the assessments, we had Tonya and James ask each of the children some easy questions with some Marriage Boot Camp rules: When one person is talking, everyone else is listening. Talk only about yourself, not about your siblings. Don’t judge each other. Never use a person’s personality traits to tease them.

Here’s the question: Based on your type, what can we all do to make your life go smoother? Tonya and James were pleasantly surprised how insightful each of their children was and now had enough information to begin the process of creating a parenting strategy plan together. At the end of this chapter you will find a road map to a parenting strategy so that you and your spouse can have a plan of attack with your children.

What Tonya and James found was that making room for the diversity of their children was not as difficult as they thought. They reconfigured their social schedule to accommodate the introverts in the clan. Before this discussion, Tonya, the party animal, was driving most of their social life, thinking, “Who doesn’t love a party?” They found that this was an easy thing to change. They also found that each of their children was at a slightly different stage of life, although they all had a common need for developing their identity. This started a creative vibe between Tonya and James, and they came up with a plan to encourage each of their children

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